


Insecurities

by ragnorfellintomyheart



Category: Shadowhunters TV, The Mortal Instruments, The Shadowhunter Chronicles
Genre: Insecurities, M/M, Malec Fluff, its cute, magnus loves him anyway, older!alec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-12-02 21:39:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11518011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ragnorfellintomyheart/pseuds/ragnorfellintomyheart
Summary: Alec's starting to notice more and more that he's getting older and he hates it. Magnus is there to remind him that no matter what, he'll always love him





	Insecurities

Alec ran his fingers through his hair, black locks that were now streaked with grey, before running them down his face and neck. He could feel the grooves on his skin, laugh lines? Wrinkles? He couldn’t remember which were which anymore. It was hard to ignore the signs of aging, as much as he tried to. They were noticeable next to his husband who hadn’t aged a day the entire time they’d been together. A mental checklist was always at the back of his mind, more and more adding to it as the days went by; another grey hair, a wrinkle beside his eye, the blemishes that were starting to cover his skin. His brow furrowed in frustration. Frustration at the world, himself, whatever unseen forces had caused him to age this way. The bathroom mirror had begun looking more like one from a carnival, a twisted version of Alec Lightwood that only vaguely looked like himself. His fingers became harsher, pushing into the lines as if trying to iron them out and make his skin young again. He shouldn’t have cared, it was selfish of him to care. Any time with Magnus was more than enough and he had already had so much time already, so much more time was still to be had… and yet those selfish thoughts wouldn’t go away. If they went out together, Magnus looked young enough to be his son. Surely he wouldn’t want to be seen with him much longer. 

“Again with this, sweetpea?” Magnus’ voice was gentle, sleepy from where he’d just woken up. Alec’s hands moved, crossing over his chest with his fingers clenched slightly as an automatic defence mechanism before he took a deep breath and relaxed them. “I’m not… I was just washing my face.” He turned, a small smile appearing on his lips, matching the one worn by his lover. “I’m okay, Magnus. I promise” Magnus crossed the room, the smile getting wider. After all this time Alec couldn’t get over how gracefully the warlock moved, even first thing in the morning when his steps should be as awkward and heavy as Alec’s had grown, his movements were beautiful. He was beautiful. His forehead pressed against the Shadowhunters, a small but intimate gesture that Magnus knew Alec could handle while having one of these episodes. “Don’t push me away.” A reminder, more than a demand. Hands, such soft hands, touched the cheeks where Alec’s own fingers hadn’t been long before. They traced down the same grooves and blemishes, but instead of feeling insecure, Alec felt happiness. Memories resurfaced themselves; of their first date, stolen kisses behind the Clave’s back, Paris and every other time since, when they had taken in Max, Rafael following shortly behind, their wedding… every perfect memory that he had was right there, engraved into his skin, weaved into his hair, the checklist he had grown to hate over time was now, momentarily, the greatest things that had happened during his life. Alec couldn’t help but laugh, despite the tears forming in his eyes and the lump in his throat. Magnus looked up, his own smile growing again.

“Is something funny?”   
There was so much that Alec wanted to say, words that he knew would never leave his mind. He was certain that Magnus knew them, even if he didn’t entirely know them himself. Right now there were only three words that he was certain of.  
“I love you”   
“And I love you, sweetpea. Always.”   
Alec barely noticed how different his lips might have felt against Magnus’. In this moment, he didn’t feel any older at all.

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy! 
> 
> I'm also on tumblr at the same name :)


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